Unko ‘Poop’ Museum
Japan is a country rich in history and ancient traditions – with museums celebrating a wide range of culturally significant subjects. Whether that be the Samurai or Edo-Tokyo museums or more modern classics like teamLab or the, eh, Sand Museum, there’s plenty to choose from. Such refined culture. And, of course, last but not least – the Unko ‘Poop’ Museum.
When I was a young boy, we didn’t get a computer until I was five or six years old but even at that age, I was a keen writer and storyteller. Picture a young, curly-haired Ulsterman who, as a result, would frequently walk across the road to his neighbour’s house, only to use the word processor, which, in 1997, was like something sent from space. You’re a five year old boy and what do you really want to write about? You guessed it. Poop! My neighbour, keen to wean me off the long and winding road of faeces made a deal with me.
‘You can type the word ‘poop’ if you write five other words.’
And off I went. Five words, poop. Five words, poop. So I guess, in a way, I have my longtime neighbour to thank for helping me become a writer and develop the early love of words and reading, which I still harbour today. So kids – those of you who were obsessed with the stinky – this one is for you! This is for every kid who brought a whoopee cushion to school. For those who unleashed stink-bombs they bought at the seaside, in huge crowds of firework observers. To those who sprayed fart gas all over their friends so they’d reek during assembly. And finally, for those who spent hours scrolling through ‘farts.com’ – the poop museum is for you!
The Unko Museum is a fun and interactive experience based in Odaiba, Tokyo. The experience begins by being led to a row of coloured toilets, after which, you’re asked to take a seat. If you’re feeling shy, its quickly expunged as you’re asked to scream ‘poop’ at the top of your lungs, squeeze your butt-cheeks and pray that you don’t accidentally follow through. I was then left with a beautiful blue poop which I still take care of, to this day. What follows is a self-exploratory adventure in poop which, realistically, is fun for any age!
After making your way past the ball pool of poop – I’m not shitting you – you’ll come to the room of dangling turds and if you’ve ever wondered how to say poop in multiple languages, you can study the neon spatter, below. If a five-year old Ulsterman had of been on Instagram, this would’ve been his dream – diving into a ball pool of poop, weaving amongst giant dingleberries and burning his fingers on neon unko.
Real life scenes, above, if the Mad Hatter’s tea party had pre-gamed on Indian food before diving down the rabbit-hole and getting lost amongst a labyrinth of floating, psychedelic poop. Not everyone is interested in poop. I get that. But hell, there really is something here for everyone. Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, the Unko Museum is the kind of place you can recapture your youth, even if it’s only for 45 minutes. If you consider yourself the more sophisticated type, well, who doesn’t love a tea party?
What is pooping, really, if you can’t share it with your friends? Some are clearly more comfortable than others with public displays of excretion. I get it. That’s not your scene. Perhaps you’re more introspective and what better way of cultivating your inner brownie than by perusing the finest of art. Forget the Louvre, National Gallery and the Mori, the Unko Museum’s collection, below, is the pièce de résistance of faecal related works. Also, for those of you feeling emotionally constipated, you can compete against your friends, screaming ‘Unko’ at the top of your lungs. A microphone will measure how many decibels of unko you’ve dropped and project your stink onto a giant screen.
And finally, no cultural centre is truly complete without the most sophisticated of libraries and a video gaming experience, like no other – catching stools in an, umm, moving toilet…
Oh, and don’t forget the gift shop on the way out!
The Unko Museum can be accessed via Daiba Station in DiverCity, Odaiba. It’s advisable to purchase your tickets online, beforehand, or, due to staggered entry, leave yourself with time to come back later in the day after buying your tickets in person. Tickets cost around 1600yen at the time of writing.
